Where are you?!

I'm really upset.  The unique thing we're working on in this national grassroots campaign is the prevention of underage sex trafficking, prevention.  That means creating awareness of 'John's, your every-day-man who's using the services of underage trafficked girls.  And apparently the rest of the 'non-John' men don't care.  We have ten billboard sponsors so far and all of them are female, the only opposition we're facing is the men who think the message is 'too harsh' and won't support it, the women seem to understand that the reality is much harsher than a billboard could ever make it sound.  Where is the accountability? Everyone is all for 'stopping sex trafficking' and 'saving the children' but no one wants to acknowledge the fact that it happens in every city and state in this country and that the only way of actually stopping it is by stopping the demand for it.  It astounds me that we can put sex and nudity everywhere, but the minute that we move from defending the female victims to being pro-active against the male perpetrators, no one wants to be a part of it. Are we really going to be that ignorant? The average age a child is trafficked in the US is 12-14; this isn't your global average, this is for this country alone.  You can not tell me that men are making the excuse of 'she told me she was 18' with a 13 year old girl.  And if they're caught, what do they get? A slap on the wrist? I mean, seriously, did anyone hear about Lawrence Taylor's case?  You have got to be kidding me. I'm tired of playing with the man-boys who think they can have sex with 13 year old girls and get away with it.
Will the real men PLEASE stand up?!

Dreaming of dreams

Sometimes I have strange dreams.  I'm still trying to read That Hideous Strength, but for some reason I'm struggling getting into it.  Well, in the beginning of the book they're discussing whether or not to sell part of their college property that has Merlin's Well, it's like a big deal and stuff.  The company, NICE, was going to build stuff on the land and ruin the historical landmark, but the college needed the money.

So in my dream, I was with a group that was getting chased and one of the bad guys threw a Molotov Cocktail at one of us and they fell down this huge hole (sorta Balrog-style) and then suddenly all of us were falling down this hole and landed in water at the bottom, so we swam to the top and found that we had fallen into Merlin's Well.  When we climbed up, the stones around the outside of the well were glowing, along with some paths that lead to different parts of the room, and it felt like Atlantis (Disney version) met National Treasure (no Nicholas Cage - whew).  It was really cool.  I felt like no one had been in this room for a long time, like it was long-forgotten. But I turned around, and there was a door cracked open and swaying gently, I could even see the daylight through it.  I thought, Yes, we can escape!, but alas, all the doors were locked with slide latches from the inside; there was no way we could get out without someone knowing what we had discovered.  So we walked up the spiral staircase, desperate to escape.  Then I woke up, terrified.  That is all.

It's Not Unusual

I made it to Vancouver!!! 36 hours is a long time to spend on a train, but it was cool going through the mountains and riding along the Colombia River.  Plus I got to walk around a lot and meet a heap of interesting people, it was fun.  When I arrived I learned that the train had lost my bike.  Really?  A non-stop train?  Can't I travel somewhere without something going terribly wrong?  It's interesting how much I love travelling even though something like this always happens.

So my friend Kaylen, and her boyfriend Keelen, (cute, right?) picked me up from the depot, dropped my stuff off at the house I'm living in and then we hung out around the town a bit.  It was really great, they make me happy.  Once they dropped me off at the house, I unpacked everything and got settled in and then had a few breakdowns.  One because of the bike, another because I budgeted, another because I'd eaten one meal in the past 2-3 days and couldn't go anywhere to get food, another because my shower stuff was in the box with my bike so I was unable to shower after that 36 hour train ride, and to top it off I was tired after spending two nights sleeping in my seat on the train.  Fortunately, my mom talked me into bringing my guitar to Vancouver so I had some worship time and then I felt better.

It's funny how a few wrong things can make you feel like the entire world is crashing in on you.  My mind was telling me that I was screwed, but my heart knew that I was here for a reason and that God wasn't going to leave me hanging.  And that was day 1.


Today I called around to a bunch of train stations, none of which could locate my bike, and then a call came from the Vancouver depot saying that there was a bike coming on the train and that, hopefully, it was mine.  And sure enough, it was!  I don't have the slightest clue where the bike went - the paper I got said something about Seattle and Portland and Minneapolis.  I don't know, but it doesn't matter anymore.  So I pieced my bike back together (because I had to disassemble it for baggage check), SHOWERED! and then dressed up and went out to find a job.  I applied to a lot of places, and an awesome coffee shop even said they were looking to hire someone!  That would be so great.  I also stopped in at a church nearby and made friends with the children's pastor, she's going to introduce me to some people my age on Sunday.  Yay new friends!  Ben is also coming down to see me this weekend, and that's going to be a lot of fun!  So overall, day 2 was a severe improvement on day 1.  I feel at home here, I like it.

Thea and the Singing Telegram

I finally have a blog-worthy adventure, for tomorrow, I will be moving from White Bear Township, MN to Vancouver, WA for three months [not Canada, this one is by Portland].  Earlier in August, I applied for a spring 2012 internship with Shared Hope because I really want to work with non-profit International Human Rights organizations.  A week or so ago, I received an email back asking whether or not I would consider a fall internship because they still had an opening.  Ummmm, YES.  It would be awesome experience and a good organization for an internship.  I was pumped, but I still needed a place to live and transportation to get there, because, you know, I don't know anyone specifically in Vancouver and you can't fly with a bike.  Ok, yes you can, but it's really expensive and complicated and bikes can die.  Not exactly a risk I wanted to take with my sole method of transportation.  Plus it's cute.

Human Rights Internship: check.

The plan was that I'd arrive in Vancouver during the second full week of September, so I needed to find a room fast.  I tooled around Roomster looking for a lady or family with a spare room or something.  Kinda sketchy, but alas was disappointed with the results.  Either the rent was too high or they never replied to my inquisition.  I started calling up local churches to see if they had any leads, and... nope.  I signed up for a roommate search thing, which cost me $6 to learn that there were NO SEARCH RESULTS.  Really?  This stress resulted in a few  freak-outs, but I knew that there would be something better for me if this didn't work out.  Then, on Wednesday night I decided to give Roomster a second chance, since it at least had a significantly larger user database than the other ones.  I came across a newer listing of a single mom who had two rooms to rent, with cheap-to-reasonable rent and she left her phone number on the page.  I gave her a call to see if they were still available and, sure enough, the cheaper room was!  We spent about half an hour interviewing and she told me that this room had just opened up on the previous day because, here's where it gets better, she had been housing a Japanese foreign exchange student over the summer.  Determined for her to have a good first-impression of America, she decorated and furnished the whole room, including bed sheets and pillows!  This is really exciting because I'll probably be biking from wherever I arrive in Vancouver to wherever I'll be living, so everything will have to fit in my Osprey... and bedding is bulky, and expensive if I were to buy it there.  In all honesty, I was prepared to bring my compression sleeping bag and sleep on a floor; it was already at the base of my pack.  So, um yeah, SCORE!!!

Place to live: check.

Now for transportation.  Initially, I had found a bus line that would get me to Portland, so my plan was to then bike from Portland to Vancouver which I think would take about an hour.  My parents suggested that I consider the train.  Sure enough, I found a non-stop train from St. Paul to Vancouver that was only a little more expensive than the bus; but I couldn't buy the ticket because at that point I hadn't found a place to live.  So on Wednesday night I looked up the price of the train and it was now $70 more expensive than it had been. Booooo-yet-understandable!  Slightly upset but reallllyyy freaking excited, I went to bed.  The next day I decided that I should stop stalling and buy the ticket, so I got back online and when I found it again, it had gone back to its original price!! Ahahahaha PTL!  Also, it's only $5 extra to check your bike on the train.  I'm leaving 11:15pm Saturday night and I'll be arriving there at 9:15am Monday morning.  36 hour train ride, blehh, but dad says that a lot of people say that taking the train over the mountains is the coolest thing ever because you ride on the very edge where no other vehicle goes - I hadn't even thought about that!  MOUNTAIN TRAIN, FTW!

Transportation: check.

Now, the job. Just kidding, I don't have a job there yet, although my landlady did tell me about a shopping area near the house where there are a lot of coffee shops and stores and stuff, so I'm bringing a pile of resumes.  Wish me luck!  I do have a savings account for this specific purpose, but I'm still not confident in my ability to live off that for 3 months.  I guess we'll find out!

Until we meet again,


Mern


Purely for your amusement, here's the FIF song behind the title:



Currently Reading:
Captivating - Stasi and John Eldredge
The Screwtape Letters - C.S. Lewis

Just finished:
The Chronicles of Narnia - C.S. Lewis
Crazy Love - Francis Chan

Beautiful America

I'm getting antsy because, by nature, I am not made to stay.  I love adventure and challenges and traveling, I love cultures and meeting new people.  It's unfortunate that international travel is so expensive.  I'm planning a couple new adventures for this year, and I will let you know as things become more concrete.  Let me know if you'd like me to come visit you.
Now for thoughts.
Tamarack is awesome, I love what I'm doing and the people I work with.
I love fried tofu.
I wish the state government would decide on a budget. Why does American culture have to believe that problems aren't worth acknowledging until there's a crisis?  It's probably only a matter of time until the American people take to the streets.
I love Scrubs.
I want to be a storm chaser.

Currently reading:
Blue Like Jazz - Donald Miller
The Lost City of Z - David Grann

Most Likely to Succeed

Yesterday = unemployed.
Today = two jobs. Whaaaa?
I showed up to Tamarack for the volunteer job and they offered me a paid position! I am now an administrative coordinator for the new play area, and random other things.  Then while I was there, Dunn Bros called me for an interview!  What is this madness?  I'm gonna go with.....  Jesus.  Oh happy day!

Thank you for your prayers and support!

Omnivores for Mediocrity

CHEERS TO THE UNEMPLOYED!

I've graduated college.  I should also let it be known that the Alaska thing has been put on the back burner for the time being, it's complicated.  Anyway, thus far I've been rejected from about 6 different jobs and I have yet to hear back from the other billion.  I went on an application marathon around the twin cities, only to waste half a tank of gas and not find anywhere that was hiring people with my credentials and experience.  Disheartened, I drove to Tamarack Nature Center to see if they needed volunteers and stuff, they recently opened a cool new area for kids to do whatever they want.  There's rocks to climb, mud to smear, rocks to throw, things to jump off and plants to pick or trample or whatever; they're free to get dirty and have fun.  I met with the volunteer coordinator, Kim, and we sat down to have the volunteer interview.

The first thing she asked was why the heck I was applying for a volunteer position when I'm a capable 22 year old with a college degree (the girl interviewed before me was about 12 years old).  I shared with her some of my struggles with employment and explained that I might as well do something.  She empathized completely, she's in her mid-twenties, so we vented about stuff and she thought it was awesome that I was making good use of my time.  Long story short, she brought in Tamarack's coordinator, Mary, and I'm the new administrative assistant.  Yes, it's a volunteer position, BUT! It looks like I'm going to be helping them plan a coffee shop area for the parents while their kids run around and use my experience of opening and closing procedures to help them think over how they can efficiently close down the area every night.  It looks like I'm going to be getting some really great experience that will be better on a resume than yet another coffee shop.

I also have some internships in the works, one of which I'm REALLY excited about and I'm praying that I get accepted.  If I don't that's fine, I'm continually abandoning myself and I know that God will guide me to wherever I should be.  Prayers for discernment and guidance are much appreciated!

Currently reading:
The Sacred Romance - Brent Curtis and John Eldredge
Eating Animals - J.S. Foer
That Hideous Strength - C.S. Lewis
I Kissed Dating Goodbye - Joshua Harris
The Story of Edgar Sawtelle - David Wroblewski

What? Yes, I have ADD.  How did you know?

Dandelions

I am beautiful.

Not for what i see, but for who i am despite myself.  Every day i look in the mirror and see my imperfections: my funny hairline, ugly moles, and the fact that my acne still hasn't acknowledged the fact that i'm no longer a teenager.  i know i'm in good company because there is not one girl out there that hasn't looked in the mirror and wished it was a different face staring back.

My roommate and i recently did a bible study and decided to fast from mirrors, specifically the ones in our dorm room.  i had a heyday covering our mirrors with newspapers and funny magazine pictures.  we kept a space so that we could still see ourselves from the neck up, somewhat due to the aforementioned acne problem; no one wants to see that.  during those 12 weeks, i didn't feel like it made that much of a difference, i still felt mediocre looking and part of me felt like covering up the mirrors was an effort to forget, deny, pretend that i was something i'm not.  i was afraid of what i'd be reminded of when they were removed.

Fortunately, God used this opportunity to remind me of who i am and to whom i belong.  yeah, i have acne, my head is small, and my fingers may be alien-ishly long...  but that is what makes me beautiful.  i am beautiful because i was handmade by the creator of beauty.

Lord search my heart
Create in me something clean
Dandelions
You see flowers in these weeds

Everywhere I Go

Important decisions have been made. I AM MOVING TO ALASKA. I’ve been talking with a friend of mine and she has lined me up for a job in Administration for UPS Alaska and has found me a place to live. I’ll be driving up there (apparently companies pay people to drive cars from the contiguous 48 up to Alaska) but more because I just want to. Another girl from USF is also thinking about moving up to Alaska too, so perhaps we’ll live together – and one of my friends is seriously debating moving up there after she graduates next year. I wish all of you could see the excitement exploding out of me. I am so ready.

I leave you with a quote I've recently rediscovered.

An ordinary woman, she serves an extraordinary God. In her moments of greatest weakness, God reveals Himself through her. She has chosen to allow God to use the broken pieces of her life to create something beautiful. She is a pillar of strength, a woman whose faith remains unshaken in the face of change. The Holy Spirit whispers, “Speak what you see.”

I see beauty.

She leans against her Savior, and she finds grace. Knowing that only God can sustain her, she stands in the face of fear and resolves not to give up. She recognizes that the things of God are the only things that matter. Seeking after the things of Christ, she lives a life of integrity. She is a fighter, a survivor, a woman of strength. She is beauty.

– Regina Franklin ‘Who Calls Me Beautiful?’

You make all things new

Well it seems as though i haven't written in this for quite some time now, and i apologize. We've embarked on a new decade now and i've spent some time reflecting on my past year, but i'm going to try to not get mushy on you.

a year ago i was sitting in my dorm room enjoying the interim lifestyle, trying to keep the thought of leaving school in the back of my mind. it got progressively harder to ignore it when i noticed my friends starting to back away from me because they knew i was leaving them. i felt a little betrayed and hurt, but i can't blame them for it - i know i've done the same thing. i also felt pressure because i was going against the private baptist liberal arts university grain. if i was a good baptist, i wouldn't leave a baptist school and go to a pentecostal-rooted school, right? whatever. i'm still graduating this spring with a social work major and english minor. (you're not allowed to ask me what i'm going to do once i graduate.)

i'm not going to talk about the lecture phase because you can read the other posts before this one.

Outreach was quite the experience, needless to say. in Fiji we did ministry in Lovu Seaside, a squatter settlement near Lautoka. i met an indofijian (that means she's from India, but living in Fiji) woman named Sophie and her daughter Natasha during some ministry time and fell in love with their family. They were once a hindus, but had converted to Christianity. Sophie's eldest son had died about a month before we arrived. He had a tumor on his face so they scraped up whatever money they could and she went with her son to India because medical procedures are cheaper there, and the doctors successfully removed his tumor. Once they arrived back in Fiji the son had an asthma attack and died. it is so tragic. Natasha is the youngest sibling, she now only has two older brothers. She was born two months premature and spent the first few months in an incubator, and she was unable to move; she'd lie on her back and could not even move her eyes. The doctors tried to convince Sophie to euthanize Natasha because they told her that she'd be a vegetable for the rest of her life, but Sophie told them absolutely not. When most babies would be starting to crawl, Natasha was still just lying there motionless. One day a lady from a local church came through Lovu and stopped at their house, Sophie had her pray for Natasha, and the very next day Natasha started moving and crawling around! Natasha is now sixteen years old and is able to walk around and semi-interact with people (because she is unable to speak). Whenever i'd come into their 'house' she'd sit next to me or in front of me and hold my hand. We'd joke around and she had the most radiant smile i've ever seen. i miss her so much.

Western Samoa was very rewarding and challenging. Our team was stretched to our limits and i experienced the importance of unity and humility when facing resistance. I also had the privilege of teaching 12-14 year olds Maths and American history, which was really great.

Coming back to the states was very difficult, i think probably one of the most difficult times in my life thus far. confession, i struggle greatly with loss. i also confess that i am understating that. when i finally open up and get to know people on intimate levels, i have a very hard time letting go. i'm not clingy, mind you, well kinda but not in a physical way. its more like my soul clings to those i love. it's almost been six months and i still get choked up when i think about it. when i got home almost everyone projected 'itmustbesonicetobehome's onto me and i did not tell them that i hated it here and that i'd much rather be back in new zealand. i spiraled into a depression and slept most of the day because i didn't have enough to distract me and sleep was more or less capable of that.

i guess i should post more often so they don't get this long. oops. well i moved back to USF and struggled more with this depression. I also want to say that i don't, and didn't, need a counselor or medication for this; it's ok for me to be sad and depressed sometimes because all of you know the joyful person i am. ok. i took 20 credits this fall semester because i needed to make up for the credits i missed from taking a semester off. so on top of my struggle i also had a ton of class work, and i'd end up doing twelve hours of homework every saturday - give or take a couple. i think i counted about five breakdowns where i just about quit school, not an exaggeration. but i made it! i'm not sure how, but i did. my depression started getting better during october and was gone by november, by the middle of december i had finally gotten back to my normal crazy self.

i was once a shattered soul, a neatly wrapped trauma victim festering with untreated wounds, an insecure young adult who was never going to be good enough. God glued me back together, healed and treated my wounds, and showed me that my confidence can only be discovered when my identity is in Him. can i get an AMEN?!

World Without End

Welp, it's come to the final hours. We leave for the airport at 8am tomorrow morning and our flight leaves a little before 1pm. So at this time tomorrow we'll be flying over the ocean on our way to Fiji. Crazy as stuff, man.

This week has been a lot of prep for outreach and not much else. There's been a lot of answered prayers, which has been so awesome to see, so that's pretty bomb.

One quick prayer request, I haven't hardly slept over the past month or so and i feel tired. I can fall asleep just fine, i am just unable to either stay asleep or when i am asleep i have nightmares. It makes me a little worried about outreach because we're going to be doing stuff a lot and i don't want to be exhausted all the time.


Dear Fiji and Samoa,

BRING IT ON!!!

Love, Maren.

A New Hope

OH. MAN.

Has this week been awesome or what. I feel like the entire lecture phase has led up to this week and I feel way more prepared for outreach and even the rest of my life! Thank you for your prayers! Mark Parker was our speaker this week and he taught on the Lordship of Christ, which is basically focusing on Jesus in total abandonment to yourself. I’m going to give you some quotes from this week now.

“Getting people saved is the easy part, that’s all Jesus, but it’s up to us to help them grow in their faith.”

“We need to be weak in God’s presence, not in ourselves.”

“Keep Jesus in the center, not at the top.”

“I’d rather stand on the rock than to have it thrown at me.”

“Don’t get married until you have gained control over your body.”

“Feelings don’t rule, they FOLLOW.”

I have 17 pages of notes from this week, so I’m not going to tell you about everything, but pretty much we need to get over ourselves and keep our eyes focused on God. We can sit here and focus on our sins and how we need to fix them, or we can focus on God and seek His will and not dwell on our past. Awesome AND relieving!

I’ve been praying that God would continue to reveal His plans for my life and where my next steps will be, and on Tuesday night at Open Meeting I had a super awesome Jesus encounter. I prayed that either God would speak to me directly about His plans or that He would send someone who would be the messenger, and did He ever!! A woman came up and started praying for me, we’d never met before and she was praying about some things that only a spare few people know. She also prophesied over me and most of it lined up with what I was reflecting back to God, and it was some more pretty crazy stuff. Again, I’m not going to talk about it on here because it’s personal, but I thank God that everything He’s going to do is my life is through His power because there’s no way I could do the things He has planned for me in my own power.

Now that I look back, I can see that I’ve been in a spiritual wilderness over the past six years and I praise God that I have finally seen the beginning of the Promised Land!!!

Also, on Friday we had a Tabernacle celebration. It was 10 ½ hours straight of ministry filled with worship, praise, thanksgiving, sacrifice, and prayer. That’s the main reason this blog is a couple days late. But it was epic and it was some of the best worship time I feel I’ve given to God, so good. I also did some evangelism on Saturday morning and then on Saturday night we had a 3 hour rave in our lecture room. There were smoke machines, strobe lights and all the legit stuff (thanks to a guy here who had all the equipment!) it was intense. At the end of the rave we played some worship songs really loud and danced around like a bunch of crazies in complete self-abandonment to our Lord and Savior! WOO!!

Oh, and I almost died on Monday evening. You can all thank Matthew Blank for saving my life!

Well, we’re about to start our final half week of lectures and we’re flying from Auckland to Fiji A WEEK FROM TODAY!!!!!!! ONE WEEK!!!!

Thanks for all your prayers!

Far Far Away

To be honest, i just need prayer right now. I really feel like i'm struggling so i'd appreciate some prayer whenever you think of it. thank you!

All That Is Good

This week’s learning was about ‘Heart Transplant’, specifically Ezekiel 36:26: I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh. This week’s speaker was just phenomenal, her name is Goldie Gibson and she has the biggest heart for God that I’ve ever seen. She’s 60 years old and just loves Jesus so much, she’s also never been married because she has been patiently waiting on God’s timing. She’s awesome.
The beginning of this week was really tough, I felt so gross and twisted inside because I began to open up the problems that I re-sealed off a few weeks ago. I felt like this was the wrong feeling to have because I was giving it to God, He’s supposed to make me feel at peace, right? RIGHT?! Healing is all about process, and I hate that. I hate having to deal with the issues, it hurts and it makes me think about things that I hate thinking about. Well Goldie was talking about how we need to be with God in the hurt, and that’s one of the hardest things to do. I was hurt and refused to deal with it, so I ignored the wound and let it scab over so it stopped hurting; however that made the wound get infected. So when I finally decided to give it to God, it hurt like a mother because it’d been festering there for so long. I’m sorry this is kinda graphic, but that’s seriously how I feel inside and it sucks. But after spending some time with God in the hurt, I’ve started to feel a little better and have been able to breathe deeper than I ever have before. I still wish it was a faster process, but it’s going to be worth it in the end.

I also had a few new revelations this week. First, I was sitting with God and thinking about love. To truly love someone and be loved, you need to trust them. Easy enough. Oh wait, no. To trust that person you need to be vulnerable to them. VULNERABLE. That might be the scariest word ever (and I am only talking about emotions, don’t be physically vulnerable). Maybe it’s because I’ve been hurt so much or because I’ve silently suffered with low self-esteem, but regardless it’s a major thing. Society makes each one of us feel like wimps, have you ever noticed that? If you cry, you’re a pansy. If you talk about your feelings, you’re a ‘woman’. If you can’t bench your body weight, you’re a weakling. Vulnerability is a major NO and to do so is putting you at a very high risk. This mindset has completely affected my relationship with God and it is something that really needs to be fixed, so that has been my prayer for the past week. It’s a scary prayer, but I’m doing it!!! Secondly, I had the realization that love is freedom. It’s something I’ve known for my whole life, but I never really believed it. From experience I’ve learned in my heart that to be vulnerable to love means that I open myself up for being manipulated and controlled. No thanks. But I’ve started taking steps toward trusting God and knowing that He makes all things work together for my good. Baby steps!

I also want to apologize for the fact that I haven’t called anyone in a few weeks. I ran out of phone card minutes and haven’t had the internet to add more.
Well, this weekend was our second (and final) free weekend, which is why this blog is being posted late. Ten of us rented a house for the weekend up at Hahei and Cathedral Cove, and it was gorgeous. For those of you who don’t know, Cathedral Cove is the beautiful beach from Prince Caspian (Narnia!) when the four Pevensie kids randomly end up back in Narnia from the bus station. It was so beautiful. The pictures will be posted on facebook as soon as I get real internet. On Saturday, some of us walked from the beach near the house to the cove and then kayaked back to the beach. I learned two songs during that walk because it literally took an hour; one was in French and the other in German. It was awesome. Then we hung out at the beach, played some games, and went to the hot water beach that night. The hot water beach was one of the coolest things ever. Then on Sunday morning, another girl and I woke up at 6am and watched the sunrise over the ocean, and then four of us kayaked around some small islands for a couple hours before we had to start cleaning and packing. Epic.

New Zealand is beautiful.

Please keep praying for our Fiji team as there is still disunity and an ‘interesting’ social dynamic. I also have been feeling pretty down the past week, so maybe prayer for that too.

Third World Think Tank

This week we had lectures on Submission and Authority from Steve O’Hearn (the national director of YWAM Australia!) which was quite an honor. I learned that submission and obedience are different things, dang it society! Submission is an attitude that means we are giving someone full respect and authority over a situation or for God we should submit our whole life. Submission is an attitude and obedience is an action, therefore we can be obedient and not submissive or vice versa. Interesting.

Steve also taught on relationships for a few days, which was super awesome. He talked about boundaries, God’s view, baggage, submission and authority in marriage, and seeking God first. I’m not going to talk about all the things I’ve learned through that because it’s so much, but you could ask me about it when I come home or something.

One cool (and a little scary) thing that happened was that it was my turn for ‘encouragement time’ which we do every week during small group. So I sat in the chair and everyone encouraged me and then prayed for me, after which there were some prophesies spoken over me. There was a general theme of mercy, compassion, and empathy through all of them so that was pretty rad. Throughout my life I’ve had countless (seriously A LOT) people say to me, ‘God is going to do great things through you,’ and I’m so sick and tired of hearing that because there was never anything specific said… and ‘great things’ is so ridiculous vague. But I think God may have narrowed that down now, but we’ll see what He wants to do with my life. I’m sorry blog readers, but to be honest, some of the prophesies are pretty big deals and I’m not going to write about them on here because it’s kinda public and I just want to see what God says first.

Jesus Christ , my sanity and clarity.

We had a meeting about our Fiji/Samoa outreach today (woo-hoo) and found out some more stuff about it. Fiji looks like a lot of serving, hanging out with the Fijians and evangelism. I hope some of you have heard about this but I’m ridiculously aware of how the U.S. sucks at world news, but Samoa was hit by a huge tsunami in October and the country is simply leveled. Ravaged. Decimated. But there’s a YWAM base there so we’re going to be helping them rebuild, fix, clean, and reconstruct stuff for them and for their community. It also looks like we might get the opportunity to work through Habitat for Humanity to build some houses for the community. Sweeeet!

I would like prayer for encouragement this week. I was dealing with some things earlier in the school and I got so tired of dealing with them that I just bottled them up and put them on the shelf, only half dealt with. When our small group was praying for me, one girl told me that God wants to free me from some things that I’ve given up on dealing with and that I need to let Him finish off the process that He has started in me. Wow. So I’ve re-opened the bottle and am working through stuff again, which can get exhausting. So I would really appreciate some prayer.

All The Hype

This was the week of decisions

My two week fasted ended on Monday, and I came out of it with God’s clear decision for my outreach destination. I was peaceful about it until they started talking about the things that we were going to do on outreach. The place I hadn’t decided on was the one that fit my personality and my challenging nature, so I second guessed the decision that God had told me. And so I came back to Him and asked if that was truly the destination He wanted me at and then the following conversation ensued:

“God, where should I go? I know what you told me but I am built for the other destination.”

“Yeah, you’re right. You’re made for a life of adventure, challenges and intensity, but the time for that hasn’t come yet. Go to Fiji.”

“Ok, God!!”

So I’m going to Fiji and Samoa, endofstory.

This week we learned about missions and evangelism… AWESOME! I have learned so much and I feel way more prepared for outreach, it’s exciting. On Friday morning we spent some time in prayer and asked God to reveal to us some of His lost children so that we can seek them out during our afternoon street evangelism in Matamata. My partner, Josh, and I didn’t find the person we both saw during prayer, but we got the opportunity to pray for an elderly woman and then talk to some 17 year old kiwi’s about their religious beliefs and opinions about God. Then on Friday night we went to THOP (Tauranga House of Prayer, the NZ version of IHOP) for some worship and during that I felt God asking me to go outside to talk with Him alone. As I did this, I became more aware of a heavyhearted feeling that I’ve had for a significant amount of time and figured that this was why we needed to talk; and it was. I started talking with Him about it and then suddenly I felt really angry and frustrated at Him and was just really blunt about what I was feeling, then I got really sad and started sobbing because I felt so heartbroken and realized that I had covered my heartbrokenness with bitterness and anger toward God. While I was sitting there crying, I felt Him wrap His arms around me and share in my brokenness. He told me that He knows how hard it is to deal with and that I don’t need to worry about the reason it happened, just that He is going to bring good out of it, that He is a good God and that I need to trust him fully with the future. Once I calmed down, I apologized for my anger and resentment toward Him and then the heaviness and burden lifted off of me and I could breathe deeply for the first time in a long time. Chicka-yeah!

“An ordinary woman, she serves an extraordinary God. In her moments of greatest weakness, God reveals Himself through her. She has chosen to allow God to use the broken pieces of her life to create something beautiful. She is a pillar of strength, a woman whose faith remains unshaken in the face of change. The Holy Spirit whispers, “Speak what you see.”

I see beauty.

She leans against her Savior, and she finds grace. Knowing that only God can sustain her, she stands in the face of fear and resolves not to give up. She recognizes that the things of God are the only things that matter. Seeking after the things of Christ, she lives a life of integrity. She is a fighter, a survivor, a woman of strength. She is beauty.” – Regina Franklin, ‘Who Calls Me Beautiful?’

By the way, Five Iron Frenzy played in Matamata, NZ in 1999. WHHATTTTT?!?!?!?!

Fistful of Sand

This is the update for last week…. Sorry :/ Internet situations have gotten more sporadic and I’m only able to write this to you now because a super awesome guy came to the base, bought internet, used some of it, and then gave me the remaining amount right before he left. Sweet as! This week’s will be posted on Friday……………… hopefully.

Last week we talked about SPIRITUAL WARFARE; one of the most controversial and interesting topics in Christianity today. Dun dun dunnnn. We learned about how there are certain ‘curses’ over families and how to rebuke them and break them in the name of Jesus… crazy stuff man. We didn’t have any manifestations this week though, so that was good. The key thing that I took out of this week is the true realization that there is nothing that Satan (i.e. Jerkface) can do to us as Christians. Sometimes it feel s like jerkface is holding us in his hand and pounding us with his other fist and God is just watching on the sidelines… but He’s not!! Jerkface can do nothing to us and no matter what happens, God loves us and we are always protected in his loving arms, even when it doesn’t always feel like it. We have such security in our salvation and eternity that we can only sit back and laugh at jerkface’s lame attempts at making us stumble. What a lame as excuse for a nothing. Pfff. It’s quite the realization when you become aware of the spiritual battles that are occurring constantly and also that we can even help the angels defeat the demons! We have weapons of our own: prayer, fasting, praise and worship, the word and armor of God, speech, faith, communion and the name of Jesus. But the only way to be effective in warfare is to have faith and a good, clean conscience. And then WA-CHAA jerkface loses.

This past weekend the DTS travelled 5ish hours to help out with the Christian Surfers Conference, I was supposed to be in the worship band but we forgot the bass at the base… so I didn’t get to play. Oh well, I got to run the powerpoint! It was awesome and God totally worked through that time though, there are a lot of surfers that attend the conference that are not Christians and so the coordinators decided to have an alternative in case some of the people didn’t feel comfortable with the worship time… and worship was at the very end, after the teaching. Honestly we were expecting there to be the DTS and maybe 10 surfers that would stay for it. So I had a little intercession and lifted up the worship time to Him and asked Him to let His will be done. And you know what? Only 10 people LEFT to go to the bonfire… and some even went to the bonfire and then CAME BACK to the worship time! Hallelujah!

God is good! He loves me, knows that I am beautiful, holds me when I cry, hears my prayers, and fills me up when I feel empty.

There is some exciting news to come in the next blog entry… SO SIT AT THE EDGE OF YOUR SEATS UNTIL THEN!!!!

Quantity is Job 1

March 22, 2010

Sorry, this is a two-week update….. so it’s kinda long. But read it because it’s good and important! And because you love me!

This is a week late because we went to Tauranga to attend the Unrelenting Conference at the Tauranga House of Prayer (THOP) so we didn’t go into Matamata on the 19^th; therefore, no internet cafe. CAUTION: THIS NEWS SUCKS. We were supposed to get new and improved internet on the base where we would be paying per minute instead of megabyte, BUT DID NOT. Therefore we can’t Skype. Fsdtywhgkjhl! On a happier note, one of my friends and I are fasting for the next two weeks (starting 3/22); she’s fasting from unhealthy snack food and I’m fasting from eating between meals. It’s going awesome so far!

The school has gotten interesting lately… Having fourteen people that you are constantly surrounded by causes some issues, so it would be nice to have some prayer for that whenever you think of it. (We’re presently in the storming phase, for those of you who know what that is). All of the girls are getting along super well, but some of the guys are having issues with each other and/or the rest of the school.

Last week we learned about The Holy Spirit, which was pretty awesome, but unfortunately I didn’t get as much as I wanted out of the week. I did see four people manifest and get delivered, though; that is crazy stuff dude. But I got a lot out of the conference so that was good. One of the speakers, Dalton, was probably my favorite; he was in his mid- to late- twenties and from the US. He talked about how our generation and this generation of Christians have been getting too much pressure to make a difference in the world before they have developed an intimate connection with our Father. Everything is always do do do do do and never stop and listen. He used the example of King David, he grew up in the fields and spent all of his time seeking God’s heart and growing in intimacy with Him. There was no one there who gave him pressure to be king or even to aspire to be anything more than a shepherd, he just wanted God and God loved it. Actually, God forbid anyone from disrupting David in his field before his time. So then he was crowned king and really didn’t care about it, he just knew that God wanted him there… and even after Absalom overthrew him and his friends all wanting to give David vengeance, David was pretty much like, “Leave it alone, I never wanted to be king anyways. All I wanted to do was worship God. If God wants me on the throne again He’ll put me there!” I feel as though my generation has lost our reason to make a difference because we had so much pressure to make a difference. We need to seek the heart of God! We need to know WHY we do what we do! WE NEED LOVE!!! It is better to accomplish little with much love than to accomplish a lot with little love. Remember that.

This week we’re talking about the Father Heart of God. I’m going to be honest now and admit that I have completely underestimated God and the amount of his love for me. For so much of my life I’ve believed that I’m only worth something if I am do everything right, if I look beautiful all the time and if people like me. The first problem is I fail at every single one of those. Actually I’m probably failing at one or more of those at any given time, including now. The second problem is that I believed that God held me to those same standards. OOPS. I’ve truly realized that God loves me no matter what kind of poop of a peon I feel like I am. As our Father, it is His responsibility to discipline us, but also to love, provide for, comfort, and guide us. He also has a ridiculously funny sense of humor.

On a related note, I’ve been reading a book called Who Calls Me Beautiful? about finding your beauty in the mirror of God and not of society’s. Every single woman struggles with the feelings of inadequacy in their physical appearance, absolutely including myself. Many of us have been told to our faces that we aren’t pretty enough and where we could improve ourselves, which skyrockets my self-esteem, I don’t know about you. (I just saw the end of the rainbow! THAT WAS AWESOME). So I’ve made the conscious decision to stop wearing eye make-up so often, as in almost never, and to focus more on God and the fact that He created me and I am His work of art. YEAH!

I lead a worship song this week, those of you who know me know that that is a super huge stretch for me). God first told me that we should sing Tonight the Stars Speak on our worship set and then later let me know that I was supposed to be the one who leads it. WHOA. So I gave in and told God that He needs to work through it because I’m not good enough and it’s all for Him anyway, and oh my goodness did He work! That song ended up being the most powerful and intimate song on the entire set, the atmosphere in the room changed and people fell to their knees in awe of the presence of God. The Holy Spirit is amazing! Also, all the heaviness that’s been on my heart for the past years has been lifted and I’ve grown sooo much closer to God. AWESOME!!

Our Newest Blog Ever!

WEEK 3!!!!!

This week was all about hearing God’s voice and intercession. What a week! On Tuesday we did a water fast where we were only allowed to use water from a few buckets located near the corner of our property, so that means for drinking, washing hands and brushing teeth… and no showers. It was pretty enlightening and an awesome experience, and then followed that up by a 24 hour prayer session (as in all the students and staff each took an hour in the prayer room) on Thursday about the global water crisis. Awesome as.

Yesterday was so crazy, dude. Aside from the 24 hour prayer session we spent our class time in the presence of God. Whoa. Then we all sat in a circle and talked about what our experience was like and what God had spoken to us, if anything and after someone shared we’d surround them in prayer. During this experience, God brought up some terrible memories that I’ve been trying to repress, which made me start crying again (seriously, what the poo.) but when I brought them to him he began to erase the memories from my mind and started healing the pain. I think that was the most exhausting experience of my life.

We’ve also started worship teams this week and my team is going to be leading worship on Tuesday, oh man!! We tried practicing together once but our entire base had a stupid as power outage, so we haven’t really gotten anywhere, and that makes this a bit scarier.

Also, (EXCITING!) our base is in the process of upgrading our internet system where we’re going to be paying by the minute instead of per megabyte! It was supposed to be up this week, but it looks like that didn’t happen; apparently almost all the technology on the base is getting revamped along with that so everything is taking forever. BUT once we get that internet in place, I’ll be able to skype whenever I want!!!!!!! YEAH BUDDY!!!!!

I hope everything is going well wherever you are and I hope to hear from you soon!

I'm drinking a hazelnut frappacino in 80 degree weather wearing shorts and a t shirt and it's frenzy friday!

We’re just finishing the second week of the school and things are still going full speed. Oh man! It’s been another emotional week, but this time it was for healing. I’ve been crying out to God to help me deal with a certain area of my life and He ceased to be silent. HALLELUJAH!!! On Tuesday we had a heart-to-heart and together we’ve begun a much needed healing. I fell on the ground and wept in the middle of prayer in class (you should all know how uncharacteristic that is for me) and then all the girls came over and prayed for me… it was unbelievably awesome. Chicka yeah! God is doing some awesome things in my life! Also, last night was super awesome; almost all of the students and a couple of the staff went down to our drained-pool-turned-skate-park and looked at the stars. It was so beautiful! We can see way more stars here than in Sioux Falls or Minnesota and we even saw a shooting star!!

I’m having an absolute amazing time here, but I really don’t want people thinking that this is a vacation. Yeah it’s gorgeous and I’m sitting on our back deck (in shorts and a t-shirt :D )that overlooks the beautiful mountain-ish hills in our backyard… but seriously its hard work. We wake up at 6am and have prayer and intercession before breakfast and then have time with God and then three straight hours of really intense class time followed by afternoon activities, dinner, and after dinner activities… and then we start it over again. It’s the most rewarding hard work EVER. Ohmygoodness.

This week we talked about developing a biblical worldview and identity. The speaker is a super awesome woman named Josie, she leads a Justice DTS in New Zealand and she’s super passionate about the sex slave trade. I’d consider myself pretty informed on the subject, but dude she has opened my eyes! 90% of slaves in the world are in the sex trade, 90%!!! 90%!!!!!! Think about that. Unbelievable. This needs to stop! Josie’s DTS did their outreach in South Africa and they actually managed to shut down an entire ring of the sex trade there, SO AMAZING!!!

You all also need to know that I’ve made a connection back to Minnesota from here. One of the staff here lived in Alexandria, Minnesota and went to my uncle’s church when he was younger. CHICKA WHAT?!?! Seriously, what are the odds?

I hope all of your weeks have been awesome and I hope to be able to skype some of you soon! If you have skype sign on around 7-7:30 pm (your time) on Thursdays! (that’s 2-2:30pm on Fridays here in NZ… weird.). DO IT!