Quantity is Job 1

March 22, 2010

Sorry, this is a two-week update….. so it’s kinda long. But read it because it’s good and important! And because you love me!

This is a week late because we went to Tauranga to attend the Unrelenting Conference at the Tauranga House of Prayer (THOP) so we didn’t go into Matamata on the 19^th; therefore, no internet cafe. CAUTION: THIS NEWS SUCKS. We were supposed to get new and improved internet on the base where we would be paying per minute instead of megabyte, BUT DID NOT. Therefore we can’t Skype. Fsdtywhgkjhl! On a happier note, one of my friends and I are fasting for the next two weeks (starting 3/22); she’s fasting from unhealthy snack food and I’m fasting from eating between meals. It’s going awesome so far!

The school has gotten interesting lately… Having fourteen people that you are constantly surrounded by causes some issues, so it would be nice to have some prayer for that whenever you think of it. (We’re presently in the storming phase, for those of you who know what that is). All of the girls are getting along super well, but some of the guys are having issues with each other and/or the rest of the school.

Last week we learned about The Holy Spirit, which was pretty awesome, but unfortunately I didn’t get as much as I wanted out of the week. I did see four people manifest and get delivered, though; that is crazy stuff dude. But I got a lot out of the conference so that was good. One of the speakers, Dalton, was probably my favorite; he was in his mid- to late- twenties and from the US. He talked about how our generation and this generation of Christians have been getting too much pressure to make a difference in the world before they have developed an intimate connection with our Father. Everything is always do do do do do and never stop and listen. He used the example of King David, he grew up in the fields and spent all of his time seeking God’s heart and growing in intimacy with Him. There was no one there who gave him pressure to be king or even to aspire to be anything more than a shepherd, he just wanted God and God loved it. Actually, God forbid anyone from disrupting David in his field before his time. So then he was crowned king and really didn’t care about it, he just knew that God wanted him there… and even after Absalom overthrew him and his friends all wanting to give David vengeance, David was pretty much like, “Leave it alone, I never wanted to be king anyways. All I wanted to do was worship God. If God wants me on the throne again He’ll put me there!” I feel as though my generation has lost our reason to make a difference because we had so much pressure to make a difference. We need to seek the heart of God! We need to know WHY we do what we do! WE NEED LOVE!!! It is better to accomplish little with much love than to accomplish a lot with little love. Remember that.

This week we’re talking about the Father Heart of God. I’m going to be honest now and admit that I have completely underestimated God and the amount of his love for me. For so much of my life I’ve believed that I’m only worth something if I am do everything right, if I look beautiful all the time and if people like me. The first problem is I fail at every single one of those. Actually I’m probably failing at one or more of those at any given time, including now. The second problem is that I believed that God held me to those same standards. OOPS. I’ve truly realized that God loves me no matter what kind of poop of a peon I feel like I am. As our Father, it is His responsibility to discipline us, but also to love, provide for, comfort, and guide us. He also has a ridiculously funny sense of humor.

On a related note, I’ve been reading a book called Who Calls Me Beautiful? about finding your beauty in the mirror of God and not of society’s. Every single woman struggles with the feelings of inadequacy in their physical appearance, absolutely including myself. Many of us have been told to our faces that we aren’t pretty enough and where we could improve ourselves, which skyrockets my self-esteem, I don’t know about you. (I just saw the end of the rainbow! THAT WAS AWESOME). So I’ve made the conscious decision to stop wearing eye make-up so often, as in almost never, and to focus more on God and the fact that He created me and I am His work of art. YEAH!

I lead a worship song this week, those of you who know me know that that is a super huge stretch for me). God first told me that we should sing Tonight the Stars Speak on our worship set and then later let me know that I was supposed to be the one who leads it. WHOA. So I gave in and told God that He needs to work through it because I’m not good enough and it’s all for Him anyway, and oh my goodness did He work! That song ended up being the most powerful and intimate song on the entire set, the atmosphere in the room changed and people fell to their knees in awe of the presence of God. The Holy Spirit is amazing! Also, all the heaviness that’s been on my heart for the past years has been lifted and I’ve grown sooo much closer to God. AWESOME!!